....100 tips to get the guy you want. 35 irresistible flirt lines. 12 hairstyles that get them going. Whatever, you name it. Long lists of two-liners explaining that it's a safe thing to make somebody fall in love with you by spritzing some perfume into your hair. I'd say the only thing safe here is that you'll need more shampoo next time you shower.
Because seriously, lovelies, have any of these tips ever stood up to your expectations when it came to reality? Not for me, I have to say. And I do understand, seeing as I, too, wouldn't exactly crush on somebody who ran into me on purpose to show how adorably awkward he is. Or somebody who happened to wear the same color as me. I mean, if I hit on every black-clothed person around me, I'd have a problem with nymphomania.
Moving on to the actual flirting techniques suggested, a spontanous text saying "I'm getting a milk shake, wanna come join me?" may sound like a nice thing to do, but every real girl who has ever texted somebody they liked knows the serious struggle that already comes with simply waiting for a reply, let alone the psychic horror of contemplating whether or not he'd come to meet you in color and 3D! Would anybody dare to take the risk of sitting in a diner all by yourself and crying into your milkshake while you read his answer: "Sorry, busy 2day"? If so, then you're braver than all of us.
What else? Oh, yeah, I'm dying to know how exactly one should manage to play with a strand of hair while keeping your hands still and trying to "accidentally" touch his arm (right, 'cause I slightly brush along my speaking partners elbow all the time, it just happens), gazing at him from below but looking away often to appear mysterious and aloof. I bet it's going to be an especially mysterious sight when my fingers get tangled in a big knot in my hair and I can't fix it because I've gotten some mascara in my eye ("for a seducing look") from all the upward glancing.
But the worst thing, which sadly comes up in EVERY SINGLE ONE of these kind of articles is the completely pointless and contradictory sentence: "Just be yourself".
How, pop culture, fashion and teen magazines, how can you think that a girl who reads this particular piece of advice, who is desperately searching for a step-by-step manual on how to finally get this stupid guy who never does to notice her, would ask for you to tell them there is nothing else to do but simply "being"? This is not about finding inner peace and confidence! Why on earth should we read your tips if we could handle it all by ourselves?
Sure, I'm not saying you shouldn't be yourself. In fact, real love is probably never ever going to be something we can force on us or anybody else by wearing dangly earrings. My point today, however, is that while those "48 dating rules" etc. are fun to read and try, they sometimes really lack the originality needed to at least appear serious.
But hey, since I currently can't give you any sensible optional guidance either (I'm a writer, not a wizard), I'd suggest you smile a lot, but not always at him, and let the rest come naturally....It might actually happen.
Love,
Rosy Smith
Ps: Disclaimer: I'm definitely not pleading innocent when it comes to putting my hope into these things. That's why I'm allowed to make fun of them.
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