I actually liked Instagram

….but sadly, those people who made us reluctant to check Facebook have successfully configurated another social media account. We all recognized them with fear as we were innocently scrolling down our feed, and I have taken the time to list them for you to strategically unfollow:

That person who puts the hashtag “bacardi” in the caption when there clearly is no bacardi in sight. Only him and his Ralph Lauren polo shirt which probably was on sale.

The guy who seems to be in labor. An unfamiliar sight. Or maybe he is crinkling his forehead and squinting for a deeper reason I am unable to see because I simply am not swag enough.

The girl who pulls off a duckface like she is freaking serious. There’s a grim determination in her face which scares me, because her golden gladiator stilettos look as if they could serve as a weapon just fine.

The girl who poses next to her new BMW convertible as well as her boyfriend who seems to have the same purpose, i.e. give her something to brag about. Hashtags in this case are “ootd” and “everythingblack” - she obviously hasn’t read Anna Wintours answer to “what would you never wear?”.

Leading to the most common species to watch out for: All those people who mix up the meaning of hashtags with the meaning of captions. Maybe actual words are outdated, #but #it’s #SO #annoying #likeforlikesorsomethingequallystupid.

Short but sweet, these have been the most unpleasant discoveries for me so far. If you’ve been deeper into the jungle and have seen worse, please warn me.

Love,
Rosy Smith