....a couple of weeks ago, my precious classmates had a discussion that involved body fluids (in the literal sense. No one exchanged any. We're all into boys here). I like to keep quiet during those kinds of conversations, because ew, did I not need to hear that water bottle comparasion (please put it down. Also, that can't be true). Okay, so I was listening, but I can keep my thoughts to myself - most of the time. In person. But they started on such an interesting topic, I just have to share my views on that:

Is it okay to hook up (I mean sleep but that's not something I'd say) with your ex?

Well, that's not nicely phrased, 'cause of course it's okay. You do you, and everything. Is it advisable, though? Probably not. I think its confusing; just like staying friends with your ex (I'm not a big supporter of that phenomenom, either), the action is so familiar and closely tied with your bygone relationship that you're not really out of it. 50% of you (the physical part) still treats him the same - so how are you over? Why break up if you're still willing to make time for him? Sure, you might not be on the same page emotionally, or generally. But isn't it hard to remember that when your body has full access to and is getting response by his?

On the other hand, I never tried, and I'm willing to believe that, if you're emotionally unattached, such an arrangment may at least be easier than  "staying friends". Thinking "I hate that guy but he's hot so why not" doesn't sound totally healthy, but I guess that way, you won't have so much trouble stopping. When staying friends, it's just this weird "we talk on the couch like we used to, but we're not making out - and then there's this silence when we'd be supposed to make out and it's so creepy because I'm so used to this part being about making out that I don't know what to do next and it's really hard to just go home now and I think I still want him BOOM that friendship thing doesn't work" situation.

Oh, I'm talking about regulary throwbacks, just to make that clear. A one time thing is just a messy way of one last hooray. 

Questions left?

Love,

Rosy Smith

....Remember middle school? Yeah, I know you don't want to, but remember that guy who's new in class and the other boys don't really like him and he's trying really hard to be funny and you just can't bear that sad sight so you decide to be nice to him and flash him some smiles? Big mistake, as you find out when he develops a (thankfully not long lasting, since you're actually pretty mean) crush on you and starts to text you things like "What's for homework" and won't shut up when you answer. After a while, even his neverending chipperness and brazen-faced confidence faded away and he moved on to people more willing to put up with him. Everything's just fine, right?

Until one random morning in May he hits me up again without a warning and I feel like I'm back in 2011. Obviously, I screenshot (something I wasn't able to do then, I'm just realizing) our awkward "so, what are you doing with your life" (as if I really care) chat and send it to my loveliest friend (a witness of time who doesn't recall his name at first, that's how memorable he is).

Oh, now he's asking me to a party at his sorority's house. I'm not that familiar with sororities due to me going to a school where everything's done differently because that's so much cooler, and I'm not excited to see this guy again, so I don't break into grateful applause. Instead, I take a trip down memory lane and consider lying to him about having a boyfriend just to get him off my back, the way I stupidly did a long time ago, but then it hits me: I don't technically have to lie about that one. I mean, someone certain and I are not keen on discussing these sorts of terms exactly, but he exists (didn't I mention?), and he won't find out, so I demonstratingly ask "Can I bring my boyfriend?" - and he turns into a proud aunt/ totally annoying brat, saying "awwww" and stuff that makes it pretty obvious that a), he still thinks we're 14, and b), doesn't have anything fun to bring into the conversation. I'll have to lay this into someone else's hands....

Now, to make the throwing back scenario perfect, my loveliest friend and I are lying on her bed, team-texting. Team-texting is a word I just coined and the way almost every chat with any guy I've been friendly with has happened. The great thing about it is that your part of the talking benefits from the wittiness of not only one but two people, and it's way more objective. Meaning that if you're biased and feel like your perfectly funny response could be too far-fetched, someone else virtually (or literally) presses send on your behalf. Also, if you're with your loveliest friend, she'll bring out the humor in you and you'll be trying to get her laughs, so you'll be much braver. Anyways, it's just like good old times  - the noisy guy is becoming unnerving, asking for details about someone certain which I don't care to tell him about, so we reply criptically: "Green eyes, brown hair, it was a golden day in September when I first laid eyes on him...." I think that sounds much prettier than blahblah about a name and a college course. It's not even half-true, of course (tricked ya!), but that's not the point, is it?

However, even though it's very good fun sometimes to have a nice little play-pretend chat, it comes to an end, too. That is, when the guy gets irrationally stuck up about his sorority, I stop replying, he asks about that weird party, I see it but can't answer (I swear I couldn't), when I do (tell him no, I need to catch up on my schoolwork), he accuses me of lying (just because I wasn't behind when we were in school together. I'll admit I exaggerated a and could probably have made it, but doesn't he know that I tried to kindly blow him off?), and when I ignore that (I mean, that was plainly impolite), he goes "Well, goodbye Rosy" - seriously?

So obviously, ignoring someone's WhatsApp message equals breaking contact forever and ever and not on good terms, either.

Well, I didn't know that. But it's okay by me.

I'm busy, anyways. Stay curious!

Love,

Rosy Smith

So I am perfectly aware of the fact that relationships might consist of just a little something more than superficial terms. I'm just saying that in a world where the first thing you notice about someone is their appearance and not their title, where you're probably gonna live together 24/7 in a limited space and not occasionally meet in a large fairytale castle, there are certain things that have me seriously thinking about my priorities when choosing who to date.

That being said, let's dive right into the judging, shall we?

He's too tall. We all know the old "he's shorter than me" sermon, but honestly, doesn't anyone think about the opposite? Of course it's great that he's taller than me. However, I'm a striking 5'2'', so that's not exactly a rare thing. If somebody extends a certain height, though, I'm afraid it'll look very stupid, us kissing and such, especially if I have to climb onto something first so he doesn't develop a back problem. There aren't as many things to climb onto in this world as you'd think there are.

He chews with his mouth open and acts as if there's nothing wrong with it. I'd be out the window and running if a guy was chewing in my face, that's for sure. See, if there's one thing I dislike without apparent reason, it's eating with people I find attractive. I just can't stand it. Don't get me wrong, I like food, but as soon as I'm around an interesting guy, I become a Southern Belle who has to watch herself while eating or else she won't ever get married and on top of it all, is gonna faint. The worst thing about that, though, is that I expect cute guys to act the same way. We'll eat, it's fine, but for the love of God, pretend we're not actually doing so. Take small bites. Close your mouth. Chew inaudibly. We're good.

He doesn't read. I'm sorry, but I cannot fathom people who do not enjoy absorbing written pages with their eyes. How is this relationship going to work out if he doesn't understand half of what I'm saying 'cause it's references to Gone With The Wind? How is he supposed to laugh at my jokes if he doesn't get my fine sense of irony that was build through years and years of romantic comedies by Meg Cabot? It's destined to be a failure.

His texts are grammatically wrong. People who don't take the time to spell-check don't deserve real conversations. I'd get infuriated every time I'd open one of his messages even before I'd fully grasp the sense of them, so my answer'd be short and cold, and he wouldn't understand why and call me stuck-up, and if there's one thing I hate being called it's stuck-up, and we'd get in a vicious circle of a fight even though all he did was ask me to our first date and forget the second "n" in "dinner".

He's wearing stupid shoes. By that I mean these kind of sneakers which are obviously thrice the size of his actual feet. Why would you try to make them look unproportional to your body? And why do you want to wear shoes as white as the ones nurses wear? How is that going to look in combination to some nice clothes? Stupid, that's what it's gonna look like, and that's why I call them this. I could go on about nice clothing forever, however, I feel like the shoes are the most distinctive thing, and if they're bulgy and white like the Michelin man, they're way too distinctive.

I mean, if you're already deeply in love with the guy, I guess you'll have to live with these things. But if you're still on the look-out, be alert. Or, you know, if you don't mind the chewing (bless you) but are totally against diet coke lovers, watch out for that.

To each his own, lovelies!

Love,

Rosy Smith

PS: I wrote this in December for a UK dating website's blog called OnlyDates (check it out here.... http://www.onlydates.co.uk/5-unreasonable-reasons-date-somebody/) and just decided to publish it on here as well - not sure if that's good manners, but I guess there's no law against it or anything. I hope.