What I mean when I say "let's get coffee"

Even in this day and age of so-called communication, I often times encounter great misunderstandings, especially between the different sexes. It is generally assumed that women use secret girl code and are therefore impossible to be attended to since men are not genetically equipped to understand said code. However, I know way more men who seem to encrypt their true intention, and other than girls, they don't have a code pattern. They just do.

Before I get accused of bashing boys, let's bring in an example, shall we?

A guy who is obsessed with his girlfriend's birth control habits. Does she take the pill? Why won't she take the pill? Why is she getting annoyed when he's asking her if she's changed her mind about the pill? Firstly, none of this is his business. Obviously, he has a right to know if and what form of birth control she uses, so he knows what risk they're dealing with exactly (but they're all risks, aren't they?). But since it is her body and her hormonal messup, the final decision really does not include him. If he is not comfortable with the unwanted birth rate of anything other than the pill, then he may proceed not to have sex with her. So now we agreed that he does not have a real point, which is something he must know, what could be the reason for his behaviour? The only valid thing I can come up with is that he thinks she does not want to commit to taking a long-term contraceptive because she does not see them being a long-term couple. And that, lovelies, would be much easier to find out by simply asking the damn question.

Now onto the topic of coffee. I'll admit that I've asked someone out for a coffee before and imagined the situation to turn into a much more romantic one. But that was more or less understandable seeing that I already did all sorts of intimate things with that guy (like puking in hearing distance to him and wiping my snot on his shoulder. Using my grossest examples so that this does not get emotional). Okay and now that I think about it, our first date was also him asking me out if I wanted to get coffee sometime, BUT, and here I am thinking I'm right again, we ended up going for dinner and a movie, which is totally a date, and the coffee-question was just the opener for the conversation that led to the date, so technically, I'm totally right.

Just realized I didn't mention what I'm explaining to be right about.

I'm saying that, if you as a stranger ask me if I'd like to go out with you, and I say we can go for coffee "sometime", I am downgrading the situation from you asking me out on a date in the near foreseeable future to us grabbing a paper cup at our local Starbucks in the endless dust of "sometime". Because I'm not using a code phrase to let you know I like you, I'm stating facts: I only like you enough to encounter you in broad daylight, with other people being there, with you not spending more than five bucks on me (scratch that, I'll pay for myself), for a limited amount of time.

However, I fear that that might not be so clear to everyone out there.

Love,

Rosy Smith