Being in a new city means being lost on generally all information valid to daily life whatsoever, but there's lots of advice and top-tens and tripadvisor reviews out there to make sure you stay alive and get a picture of the oldest chapel around. However, there's not so much wise words for those of you who are interested in the, um, locals, but do not wish to take the drastic measure of swiping your phone screen dirty. Well, I'm here to help y'all out with suggestions.

Of course without granting any guarantee or use from this.

Platform chat. I saw living proof of this fairytale unraveling the other morning. A security guard used his morning shift for good, flirting with a blonde college student and escorting her into the train like a public transport VIP (I wish that was a thing). He wasn't my kind of sexy, but I guess almost every guy who does not have some kind of hideous feature, strong body odor or fangs for teeth will appear attractive to some girl out there. You know, every pot has its lid and all. Is that a condescending statement, a philosophical questioning of beauty definitions or just a snarky comment? Your decision. So anyways, if you see a guard that floats your boat, linger by the tracks.
Conversation starter: "So, do you have a car?"

Deliver y guy. Don't get too excited, 'cause I don't, if you know what I mean. It's just essentially the only straight male figure showing up at the office (apart from the middle-aged lunch cashier that I paid in pennies today. Which he was actually pretty nice about) so it's all I got for you. I never did so much as uttering a "thanks" and guessing his cigarette brand from the smell while giving him crappy signatures up until now, but I guess you could seize those close-up moments to their full potential if you wanted to.

Conversation starter: "So, that your package?" (Oh no she did not)

Plane person. That guy you've chosen when you scanned the seats around you for someone you could force to help you get your carry-on down from the storage shelf. He doesn't like kids, judging from the looks he gives the toddler behind him who dares to make noises, and is a light sleeper, since he doesn't manage to actually sleep even though he has headphones in, but he holds his crotch even while not-sleeping as if he had to protect himself from all the girls that get too giddy when there's turbulences. He's not exactly your best catch, I'd say. Though he, for one, is conversatively attractive.

Conversation starter: "So, how'd you get stuck in economy?"

Try these and tell me what happened.

Love,

Rosy Smith

So I am perfectly aware of the fact that relationships might consist of just a little something more than superficial terms. I'm just saying that in a world where the first thing you notice about someone is their appearance and not their title, where you're probably gonna live together 24/7 in a limited space and not occasionally meet in a large fairytale castle, there are certain things that have me seriously thinking about my priorities when choosing who to date.

That being said, let's dive right into the judging, shall we?

He's too tall. We all know the old "he's shorter than me" sermon, but honestly, doesn't anyone think about the opposite? Of course it's great that he's taller than me. However, I'm a striking 5'2'', so that's not exactly a rare thing. If somebody extends a certain height, though, I'm afraid it'll look very stupid, us kissing and such, especially if I have to climb onto something first so he doesn't develop a back problem. There aren't as many things to climb onto in this world as you'd think there are.

He chews with his mouth open and acts as if there's nothing wrong with it. I'd be out the window and running if a guy was chewing in my face, that's for sure. See, if there's one thing I dislike without apparent reason, it's eating with people I find attractive. I just can't stand it. Don't get me wrong, I like food, but as soon as I'm around an interesting guy, I become a Southern Belle who has to watch herself while eating or else she won't ever get married and on top of it all, is gonna faint. The worst thing about that, though, is that I expect cute guys to act the same way. We'll eat, it's fine, but for the love of God, pretend we're not actually doing so. Take small bites. Close your mouth. Chew inaudibly. We're good.

He doesn't read. I'm sorry, but I cannot fathom people who do not enjoy absorbing written pages with their eyes. How is this relationship going to work out if he doesn't understand half of what I'm saying 'cause it's references to Gone With The Wind? How is he supposed to laugh at my jokes if he doesn't get my fine sense of irony that was build through years and years of romantic comedies by Meg Cabot? It's destined to be a failure.

His texts are grammatically wrong. People who don't take the time to spell-check don't deserve real conversations. I'd get infuriated every time I'd open one of his messages even before I'd fully grasp the sense of them, so my answer'd be short and cold, and he wouldn't understand why and call me stuck-up, and if there's one thing I hate being called it's stuck-up, and we'd get in a vicious circle of a fight even though all he did was ask me to our first date and forget the second "n" in "dinner".

He's wearing stupid shoes. By that I mean these kind of sneakers which are obviously thrice the size of his actual feet. Why would you try to make them look unproportional to your body? And why do you want to wear shoes as white as the ones nurses wear? How is that going to look in combination to some nice clothes? Stupid, that's what it's gonna look like, and that's why I call them this. I could go on about nice clothing forever, however, I feel like the shoes are the most distinctive thing, and if they're bulgy and white like the Michelin man, they're way too distinctive.

I mean, if you're already deeply in love with the guy, I guess you'll have to live with these things. But if you're still on the look-out, be alert. Or, you know, if you don't mind the chewing (bless you) but are totally against diet coke lovers, watch out for that.

To each his own, lovelies!

Love,

Rosy Smith

PS: I wrote this in December for a UK dating website's blog called OnlyDates (check it out here.... http://www.onlydates.co.uk/5-unreasonable-reasons-date-somebody/) and just decided to publish it on here as well - not sure if that's good manners, but I guess there's no law against it or anything. I hope.
 

This is still a thing to me.

So I just saw a guy in moccasins, going all ew in my head cause I really don't appreciate that trend. Who even started that? Now I see fringes everywhere, like, this isn't a costume party! Anyways, I'm drifting off, it's just that I realized there's this boy I know who also wears moccasins and I actually like him. The thing is, I came to like him before I ever noticed his disastrous taste in footwear. When I did, I sorta went ew, too, but I couldn't think it with the same vehemence. I mean, he was still the same person, it would have been irrational to treat him differently because of his shoes-but thinking about it, people I meet on the subway (or, here in London, the tube) I actually do judge after their shoes, in a way. I bet you know what I mean, that little all-over-look you give people and then stare a little longer if they're hot or look away with a you-are-wearing-moccasins-why-do-you-do-this-to-me-look (just an example). The important question that hit me then and there- Would I ever have gotten friendly with that one person if I had seen him in those shoes first? And what meaning do certain style-standards of ours have if we skip them as soon as we started to like somebody? Do we only use them to rank total strangers we never meet again and get our mind set on things like clothes and shoes and hairstyles, just to waste time?

This is confusing me right now. Whatever, I hope people get over the moccasin-thing soon so there's no need for me to question my principles.

Love from a London tube,

Rosy Smith

Believe me, I've tried. I checked my class schedule and figured out the day I have most classes together with the special someone of that time and planned my outfit according to this, meaning that I usually wore all of my favorite things on these particular occasions. When he didn't show up at school then, it was a very frustrating waste of a perfectly good outfit. When he did show up, he didn't even notice, so it was also a very frustrating waste of a perfectly good outfit. What I'm trying to say is, it does no good to get all dolled up and sparkling just for a particular person who might not even care  - and then feel like a trashbag on all other days because you're thinking "what for?". That's so wrong, it makes me cringe.

Let's play a little imagination game here, shall we? What if, hypothetically, you run into the guy of your dreams on a badly dressed day? Your answer now is probably, well, crap. Now you'll be all alone forever and ever. But that isn't the right conclusion, lovelies! The right conclusion here would be, well, crap, now I missed out on the chance on a love life because I didn't have the guts to talk to him because I'm not wearing my confidence-clothes because I thought I only need them on the days with A-period lunch, and that, everyone, is the fatal mistake.

The first thing we need to get straight here is that you should never, ever, choose your clothes with a view of what your crush, or your boyfriend, or the stranger on the L-train seems to like. The key is to wear something you yourself absolutely adore. If that's jeans and t-shirt, good for you. If that's low-cut and high rising everything, you do you. Because if you are aware of the fact that these clothes look damn fine on you, everybody is going to notice you differently - they will have to think you're fabulous since you leave no doubt to that fact.

So don't ever decide to wear the old shirt you don't really like because its sleeves are kinda too short and you always have to pull at them again, simply because you're not "seeing anyone important today" or to not wear the tight dress which enhances your figure because your boyfriend "doesn't like when you dress provocatively". Your wardrobe is your business and it's also your key to feeling great about the way you look and therefore a whole new attitude! Pick your favorite things every day. If you don't have enough of these, go shopping (Gosh I'm getting too materialistic again).

Everything goes, lovelies.

Love,

Rosy Smith